| Guys are idiots. |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|12:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
So.... before I could even invite those two guys from my class to hang out on Saturday the one I liked freaked out on me. He started asking why I didn't believe him on Friday about him not being engaged. He said some other stuff, but it just ticked me off. I think they're gonna hang out w/ me and my friends on Saturday night. Why am I writing this crap here? Oh, yeah, I remember... 'Cause I'm bored, and I'm sitting in class with nothing to do. I'm pretty sure I just failed that quiz. It was all short answer. Oh, well... I'm sure it's not that big of a deal.. but who knows.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Engaged? |
[Oct. 23rd, 2005|03:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
So... a few months have gone by since I've dared to write here. I've been trying so hard to get over him... and I finally started to like someone else. He's smart, funny, writes a weekly column for a newspaper, and I feel like I have nothing to worry about when I'm around him and his good friend. He's always teasing me or whatever you would call it. He had never talked about a girlfriend before that I can recall while in my presence. Then I was talking to one of my friends and they told me he was engaged. They said that when they used to talk to him about a year ago all he ever talked about was his girlfriend. I casually asked him about it on Friday. He seemed to freak out at the idea. He said something like, "I don't even have a gearshift to be engaged." It sounded as if he didn't even have a girlfriend. I talked to his good friend after I got out of my classes on Friday and he told me that he has a girlfriend and that he is promised. I'm so confused. And disappointed. When I finally start to like someone new something always happens. In this case he has a girlfriend that he's had for a long time... So, why does he never talk about her??? I'm falling for someone with a girlfriend. I know I'm good at having friendships with guys without interfering with a significant other, but I feel like this time it's going to be a challenge. I could never tear someone apart and yet I'm wishing I would have met him a few years earlier. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten my heart broken... Who knows.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Vacation |
[Aug. 6th, 2005|02:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
I haven't written in a long time. It seems like my entries are always depressing. I went to Texas this past week and visited relatives. I had a wonderful time! I wish I could go back already. Life seems less complicated when I'm away from home. I missed my friends though. I got to talk to them on the phone a little and instant message some of them on my Ogo. Why did Cingular quit activating Ogos?? That's crazy. I love my Ogo. I want to get the new Razor phone, but it's still about 200 dollars. I need a job first! A girl I don't know very well asked me to go to a theme park with her and some other people. I might go.. it probably depends on what my parents will say about it.
I still wish I knew what I did that was so unforgivable. For about 4 or 5 months now it feels like God's been trying to speak to me... but each time it seems like something slightly different because each time I feel different. Sometimes it makes me feel happy, impatient, or sad.. etc. I never know what He's saying though. It's like His mouth is moving but I can't hear or understand the words coming out of his mouth. I asked one of my close friends if they've ever had this happen to them before and they said they had. So, at least I know I'm going going crazy.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Life changes. |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|12:50 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
Wow... I can't believe my life has changed so much. A year ago July 2nd was one of the best days of my life. It was my birthday. I spent the day with the love of my life. I was in love. I received the best birthday gift I think I'll ever get. I was loved in return. I got my ears pierced twice. Etc. This year... My birthday was just another day. I went to a kid baseball game. I went shopping... I went out to eat. I went to downtown Paducah. I cried. I prayed. I'm still in love. Shawna's mom asked me if she could set me up with someone. I simply said maybe. But I changed my mind later. I decided we could just hang out together so we wouldn't have to be third wills. I don't want to date anyone. I must be true to my heart. And I have no idea why it keeps pulling me backwards. God seems to have changed me over the past several months. I'm slower to anger. I'm constantly listening and helping my friends through their own situation. They come to me for advice. I pray more often. I pray for those who hurt me. And I feel closer to God.. But at the same time I keep wondering why he'd give me a desire he isn't fulfilling. Maybe I'm being impatient.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Wedding |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|03:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
The comment I received on my last entry was lovely.
Yesterday was my best friend's wedding. It was beautiful.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Helpless... |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|09:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Have You Ever" - Brandy | ] |
Do you ever just feel like you're slowly losing everything? I do. Everything and everyone I care about most seems to be slowly slipping away. I've been depressed for so long now. I worry about people and pray for them often. Some of those people are missing from my life. I just need to know they care about me too even if they aren't talking to me. It feels like it's gradually killing me. I'm tired of pretending I'm happy. I've always said God won't begin to help you until you begin to help yourself. I've been trying. I talk to my Lord and pray to him all the time. I talk to my friends until they get sick of hearing about it. Nothing seems to help. I need to know the truth. It's tearing me up inside. I'm supposed to be happy that my best friend is getting married a week from tomorrow, but it just makes me even more sad. I feel so selfish. Why does this distance maim my life? I've got to find someone to talk to that can help me. I know God has a plan and a reason for all of this, but for some reason believing that isn't taking the pain away. Help me somehow.
Have you ever loved someone so much it makes you cry? I can't get the tears to stop, day in and day out. I'd do anything to make him understand. All I can do is wait for the day he cares.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Semester Exams |
[May. 17th, 2005|12:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
Yay! I just finished taking my last semester exam. Gosh, did that ever suck. I think I failed. I needed to get at least a C on the exam to get a C in the class. I'll probably be retaking it. I just never put much of an effort into it. I hate Earth Science and I'm still unable to focus. So.. I took my Math exam yesterday... I needed to get 19 of the answers out of 25 right in order to get a C in that class. I doubt that happened because it was a multiple choice test. Those just don't go well with a math class. I'm probably going to lose my scholarship. Oh, well... It seems like I'm losing everything.
Anyway... I finally put some deviations up at deviantART. Look, look, here. I think I might get a print account and sell prints this summer. I need a way of getting a little extra cash.
I'm sitting here waiting on Jessica to get done with her exam. We're gonna go eat lunch at Subway.
~Amanda |
|
|
| English |
[May. 10th, 2005|09:55 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
Yay! I got a B for my final grade in English. My scholarship still isn't going to renew though... *frowns* I've got five other classes besides English this semester. I'm currently holding 18 credit hours. I have to get a 4.25 this semester in order for my scholarship to renew. I think I'm going to get a 4.0. Yeah, so close, but so far away.
Yesterday I renewed my Apple Care for my laptop! Sweet goodness. Now I have another 2 year warranty.
I also joined Deviant Art yesterday. My username is the same thing as it is here. I haven't put anything up yet though because I'm too busy working on my final portfolio for computer art class.
I bowled okay last night. I always bowled my average or better. Anyway, that's all I can think to write about today... Go read my Xanga for anything more.
~Amanda
You are totally in love.You try to hide it but you
cant.You are nice and pretty in your own way
and you are a bit of a daydreamer.Have fun!
Are you in love?
brought to you by Quizilla |
|
|
| Stuff |
[May. 5th, 2005|10:05 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  restless | ] |
I signed up for classes like I was supposed to. My advisor talked me out of my American Government class. I was going to take it online. He told me that teacher is really hard. He suggested I take his American Government class on Wednesday nights from 6:00-8:00. Yes, I want to, but I don't want to miss church. I told him I'd think about it. So, I ended up with 17 credit hours. Hum.. what a suprise. 17 seems to be my number... I just hope it brings my love back in the future.
So, my tragus ended up hurting so bad that I could barely focus on Tuesday. I almost felt like crying. The whole side of my face was in pain and it hurt to talk or eat. I went over to my best friend's house and we cleaned each others ears with antibacterial soap and sea salt. We got the scabs off that were in the back. It's really hard to get to those on your own ear because you can't see them. Ah, it felt so much better after that. And I haven't had much trouble with it sense then.
Anyway, I didn't do my English paper that was due today. I thought it was due Tuesday. EGH, this sucks. But I asked if I could email it to him and he said I could. So.. I'm gonna do that. And I'm gonna write a paper for extra credit I think. Maybe that'll help.
I was supposed to go over to a guy friend's house yesterday and today to watch Star Wars. He never answered his phone when I called yesterday so I never went. And he never called me back. I guess I won't be going today either then. Sometimes I wish I would have loved him. He used to care about me so much and I never felt anything for him. Sure, I enjoyed being with him, but I was never attracted to him. I've only been attracted to one person. But anyway, we ended up fighting because I never felt anything for him and since then our friendship hasn't been quite the same. I just can't seem to fix anything.
I think I'm gonna go. Maybe I'll write my English paper. Gosh.. I miss someone so much... and there is nothing I can do. < / 3
~Amanda |
|
|
| Tragus |
[May. 3rd, 2005|10:13 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thirsty | ] |
Hellooooooooooooooo. I got my tragus pierced Saturday night. Shawna and I both did. The needle didn't hurt too bad, but when he stuck the hoop through it hurt a lot. It's crazy. It still bleeds every time I clean it.
So... I'm about to go sign up for fall classes.. I have an appointment with my advisor at 10:30. I'm signing up for 20 credit hours if he'll let me. I want to get out of this place in 2 years. I don't want to stay here forever like most people end up doing.
Bowling was awesome last night. I bowled a 220, 225, and 187 without my handicap. I don't remember what it was with my handicap. I only wish I could do that well without the nine pin no tap.
~Amanda |
|
|
| I'm going to kill iTunes |
[Apr. 30th, 2005|01:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
EGH! I had several of those free song codes from Pepsi that my friend Dustin gave me. So... I entered them a few days ago.. Right? The first time I entered them I put 10 in. I downloaded a few songs after that. Then the next time I put 4 or 5 codes in. Today I got on iTunes and it said I had 10 songs left to download. Then it unexpectedly quit. I restarted it and now it says I only have 6 songs left. Jerks! I hope it's just iTunes being retarded. I hope someone didn't break into that account of mine too.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Clarification |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|12:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
I'm only letting go in the sense that I'm trying to completely put it into God's hands now. I'm trying to accept the sacrifice. I've realized there isn't anything I can do to fix things. It has to all be God's will and not my own. There is no way possible I could ever let go of someone I love.
~Amanda |
|
|
| OH, yeah. |
[Apr. 21st, 2005|09:53 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
I did it. Kind of. Yeah, I'm talking about that thing I felt I had to do. Well, I started the process of getting it done, now it's just in someone else's hands. I trust them. Hopefully it goes fine. Yesterday just felt like the right day to get it over with.
Has anyone tried the new Skittles Smoothie Mix? They're sooooooo good. LOL.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Letting Go |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|09:56 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | angry | ] |
I think I finally received my sign to let go. I just don't understand why I'm just now getting it. I mean... Why was I supposed to hold on all that time? Pray that I have the strength to do this. I still have to do that thing I posted about awhile back also before I completely let go. And I think that's the last thing I'm supposed to do.
~Amanda
EDIT: So.. Just a few more random thoughts. I went to a wake/visitation last night and I saw a couple people there that don't like me. It was awkward. One of them I don't even have a problem with. They just decided to hate me for no apparent reason. The other one I like, but I've heard they're always making up stuff about me and telling their family. Why is this? It's probably caused their whole family to dislike me. Anyway, it was just weird to me. Seeing them both there at once... and of course I'd have to be there when they were... that's always how my luck goes. I said "hi" to one of them, but that was all. |
|
|
| Tanning |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|06:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Just Let Me Be In Love" - Tracy Byrd | ] |
So... Trisha and I went out to eat after school and then we went tanning. We wanted to tan in the 300 beds, which are bronzing beds. Well, they were all full. We settled for 15 minute beds. We weren't sure if they were bronzing beds or not. This was my first time tanning in like 9 months or so. And Trisha has a package somewhere else, but she just started tanning again here recently. Us, being crazy, decided to stay in our beds for the whole 15 minutes. When we came out we didn't look burnt at all. My face was a little red and Trisha's looked perfectly fine. I came home and went to my piano lessons. Trisha left me a voice mail saying she was really burnt. I called her back and she expressed how extremely burnt she was. I went to change clothes to go feed my animals and discovered I too am extremely burnt. It looks like I won't be tanning for a few days.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Feeling... |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|10:27 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
It's freezing in here. Why do they keep the school so cold? I feel all alone. I just want someone to completely understand me. I thought I had that once. I want to feel loved.
~Amanda
( I stole these questions from marydanna! ) |
|
|
| April |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|05:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
Finally March is gone! Happy April Fool's Day. Our Math teacher tried to fool us by telling us our test wasn't today. I didn't fall for it. I expected someone to try to pull something today. Yeah, so go check out my Xanga... It's not really another blog. It's just where I want to post my opinions and wisdom.. ha, ha.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Exciting event! |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|10:43 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
My best friend's boyfriend finally asked her Dad if he could marry her. He had already given her the ring, but he hadn't asked her father yet for his approval. We were all amazed that her dad said yes. They're getting married sometime in August... or that's the plan for now.
So... I know what I have to do with this whole situation that is a mess.. The only problem is I don't want to do this. I know no one is going to like it. I don't like it either. I've been putting it off, but it's the only way to calm the situation. Or at least it's the only way I have found. It may not even work, but I feel it's my last bit of hope. I think I'll wait a little longer though. I still don't think the timing is quite right. Wish me luck even though none of you have a clue about what I'm talking about.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Tonight |
[Mar. 25th, 2005|08:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  determined | ] |
I went to the movies with Kandice and a couple of other people tonight! First of all, we went to Walmart. She actually makes shopping there fun. I've always hated Walmart. But mostly I just hate the one in Marion. We were at a different one tonight. Maybe that's why it was fun. Anyway, Kandice and I were walking around wearing this huge pink hat. I tried to get her to buy it and wear it at the movies... and she didn't. We saw the movie Guess Who. I really liked it. Hum.. well, I guess that's it.
~Amanda |
|
|
| Rocky Road |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|05:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | awake | ] |
I'm eating Rocky Road ice cream! Yum!!! It's the first time I've ever had it and I'm really liking it. The name also goes well with my life right now... ha, ha.
I picked up West Nile vaccines for our horses today. Our horses are just going to love me. Yeah, right. I feel sorry for them having to get shots every year.
I went to an Easter play last night. In it they expressed some of the miracles Jesus did. I'm waiting on a miracle. And he is capable of completing it if it's his will. I'll continue praying.
~Amanda |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
luverscastle's journal